A new low.

Really this should be titled a new high. I stepped on the scale this morning and I am back to 200 lbs. I told myself I was never getting back into the 200's. I'm really disappointed in myself because I only have myself to blame. 

The day I checked into labor and delivery with Maddie in 2011 I was 233 lbs. That was more than my husband weighed. I was bound and determined to lose all of my pregnancy weight plus some since I wasn't at a healthy weight before I got pregnant. Over the following 2 years I hit my 185 pre-pregnancy weight plus lost an additional 15 pounds. 170 - that's the lowest weight I've been since I can remember. So I lost 53 pounds only to gain back 30. How did I allow myself to do this?? 

We've been talking about if/when we want to try for another baby and I have told myself I'm not going to even entertain the idea until I'm back at the 185 I was before Maddie. It looks like trying to concive this summer isn't going to happen. I'm so angry at myself for the simple fact that if I can't keep myself motivated so I can have another baby (which I REALLY want) then what in the world is going to motivate me? I know I've lost it once (or a billion times) so I know I can do it again but what is wrong with me that I would take 53 steps forward and 30 steps back?